December 2008
1 post
Chuck Norris could make @ChuckObama cry like a baby. 100% Chuck always beats 50% Chuck.
September 2008
19 posts
Chuck Norris has an infinite number of Y chromosomes.
Chuck Norris couldn’t IMAGINE there was no country, nothing to kill or die for… so he punched John Lennon in the face.
Ha @standupcomedy is a girl.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris CAN get some satisfaction. And he doesn’t have to try, or try, or try, or try.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris eats nails for breakfast, old leather boots for lunch, and those little dogs that girls carry in purses for dinner.
The universe began when Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked nothingness in the face.
ALL space is Chuck Norris’s personal space.
There’s no space bar on Chuck Norris’s computer. Words automatically give him space.
All statistics are lies. Except the ones that prove Chuck Norris is 100% AWESOME. And 900% Dangerous.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to pick locks or even kick down doors. Doors break down ahead of him out of sheer respect.
Chuck Norris never feels verklempt. He makes other people feel shpilkes in their genecktecessoinks.
If Chuck Norris didn’t feel like kicking a door down (though he always does), he could pick the lock with one of his chest hairs.
Chuck Norris never closes his eyes. But when he does, he can see through his eyelids. And into your SOUL.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris can see into the future. And the future is Chuck Norris staring back at you.
There is no TAB key on Chuck Norris’s computer. Only wusses drink Tab. Chuck Norris drinks elves blood. And laughs.
August 2008
7 posts
Difference between Steve McQueen and Chuck Norris: Steve McQueen runs away from Nazis. Nazis run from Chuck Norris. @prblog
Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris never cries. Except when he remembers how Bruce Lee kicked his ass.
Ninjas are very secretive and good at hiding. Because they’re scared of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is on Digg http://tinyurl.com/chuck-norris-digg and not everything he Diggs is going front page instantly :-(
Everyone has an “inner child”, even Chuck Norris. He ate one for breakfast.
Everyone has an “inner child”, eager to come out and play - even Chuck Norris. He ate one for breakfast this morning. from @cobaltknight
July 2008
30 posts
is roundhouse-kicking twitter porn profiles in the FACE
Was once told by a geometry teacher he should try SQUARE-house-kicking people in the face. Chuck Norris ROUNDhouse-kicked him in the face.
is roundhouse-kicking the entire UNIVERSE in the face!
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it Chuck Norris does it.
MacGyver tried to make a bomb out of Q-Tips, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver threw up his own heart.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris’ eyes will reveal your future: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they’re always slick with blood.
How does Chuck Norris tweet? He does not direct-message. He direct-roundhouse-kicks you in the ear of your BRAIN.
Every time Chuck Norris diggs a story, it makes the front page…instantly. - http://digg.com/users/procdaddy
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows *you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.*
Within minutes of a Chuck Norris attack, humans experience fever, blurred vision, and the feeling of being kicked through a car windshield.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
How does Chuck Norris tweet? He does not direct-message. He direct-roundhouse-kicks you in your Broca’s Area.
Chuck Norris #haiku #twaiku: There is no chin / Under Chuck Norris’ Beard / There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all deadly.
Chuck Norris has never gotten a woman pregnant, because as soon as his sperm are done, they roundhouse kick the ova in the face.
Chuck norris doesn’t need fertile women. He disseminates fertilized ova.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out… and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting… because he’s not acting.